Your a silly girl. You've known what your doing for a very long time. Yet you haven't been able to bring yourself to let go, give up. You've found a way to live your life meanwhile having that worry in the back of your mind for years now. No one seems to fully understand the predicament your in (and in your mind it isnt a predicament at all, its a blessing.) So therefore you dont think your doing the wrong thing. I dont think you are either. Its not wrong, because its love. You think maybe sometime soon everything you've done will be worth it. And maybe some day it will. Maybe some day the reasons for the things you've done will make sense. You're in love and you've been able to accept that within the past years. So when something bad comes out of being in love, what does that mean?